Phyuck

   1.   My husband and I divorced over religious differences…. He thought he was God.  I didn't.

  2.   I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

  3.   Ever notice how the people who tell you to “calm down” are the ones who upset you in the first place.

  4.   I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

  5.   You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

  6.   Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

  7.   Earth is the insane asylum for the  universe

  8.   I'm not a complete idiot -- Some  parts are missing

  9.   Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

10.   NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

11.   God must love stupid people; He made so many.

12.   Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.

13.   Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

14.   Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

15.   Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

16.   Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

17.   Procrastinate Now!

18.   A hangover is the wrath of grapes!

19.   A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

20.   He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, DEAD.

21.   Ham and eggs...A day's work the chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.

22.   The trouble with life is there's no background music.